Did you know that there is a Searcy, Arizona?

I didn’t think so. That’s because there isn’t.

Last weekend, I decided to buy some shoes online. This is significant for a couple of reasons. Firstly, because I buy apparel about as often as Halley’s comet pays a visit. Secondly, despite the fact that I have grown up with the Internet, I still do not entirely trust online transactions. Because of these things, buying shoes online spooks me slightly, but I bit the bullet this weekend and got me some shoes. Good for me.

However, this process was complicated for a number of reasons. My initial attempts to purchase the aforementioned shoes failed, apparently due to incorrect card information. Even after meticulous reexamination of my card, I could not find any discrepancies. I unhappily resigned to contact my bank the next day to find the problem.

The next morning, I had a realization: I put in the incorrect address, because this card was registered to my Harding box, not my house. After correcting the billing and shipping address to Harding’s address, the order went through. Huzzah.

Shortly after, I was contacted by Visa fraud prevention services. According to their records, I had ordered five pairs of shoes instead of one. Apparently, though my transactions had failed due to erroneous address, the card still registered on Visa’s radar. The Visa guy told me that I should probably contact the company just to be certain that only one pair of shoes had been purchased.

By this point, I am regretting my decision to buy shoes in the first place. I would rather go barefoot for the remainder of my days than run a wild goose chase over the phone. However, I decided to agree with the Visa guy. As I pulled up my order confirmation e-mail, my eye caught something strange. Moments later, I realized in horror that my shipping address read Searcy, AZ.

For those of you who are wondering how my finger somehow slipped so far as to type a “Z” instead of an “R,” it was a dropdown menu. This does not change the fact that I am an idiot. By the time I realized the full measure of my egregious blunder, it was 5:20 and I could not contact the company until the next morning.

So, basically, I ordered four pairs of Sperrys to Alex in Searcy, Arizona.

I think the moral here is to scorn vanity. Or learn what state you live in.